Everybody's Talking

The subject of my rant yesterday was two young girls laughing at the group of women I exercise with.  There are two thoughts I didn't have a chance to pursue in that blog.  Firstly, that any group of women who see each other regularly over a period of time bonds together.  I don't think that men bond in the same way, even if they're on a recreational team (like hockey) as women do over a more casual exercise class.  I think that's because women are more communicative as a sex; there has been a lot of research which proves that our brains are hard wired to form relationships.  As we're getting undressed or showering, women inevitably discuss the state of our lives, children, husbands, or parents.  At least one member of the group will be able to make a suggestion, or stop for a moment and just focus on what you're saying.  Sometimes just knowing that someone shares your experience, or even chuckles with you can make a difference to how you feel.  It's one of the side effects of joining exercise classes that I didn't realize but would really miss if I quit.

The other subject that I kept thinking about is how free people feel to share their negative opinions these days.  I don't know why it has become so prevalent, and I hate to wander around muttering about how much better life was in "the good old days".  But.  It just feels like there is far more negative than positive feedback around us.  You can feel the negatives vibes in traffic, in the grocery line and while you're waiting for coffee at Tim's.  There seems to be a rush to condemn behaviour without thinking about what may lie behind it, or to dismiss the possibility that the popular opinion may be mistaken.  Maybe its the popularity of reality shows which are unscripted and cleverly edited to provide clear "good" or "bad" behaviour and which encourage the audience to take sides.  Maybe its the readily available cellphone or twitter account, which allow people to communicate whatever they're thinking, wherever they are.  Maybe its just the logical conclusion to the sixties attitude of "let it all hang out".


Whatever the reason, it doesn't feel comfortable to me.  Perhaps that's because I spent my childhood surrounded by very verbal people, who were capable of being most unkind.  My mother took great pleasure in dissecting her acquaintances with a witty description.  My father held court in his office during every coffeebreak, discussing current events and venting his disdain for people who did not share his political viewpoint.  Superficially both of these people were capable of being charming companions.  However if you were the target of their eloquence, you had reason to regret it because it was like taking a bath in acid; you were so relieved when you got out.  I learned at an early age that it was not particularly helpful to point out other people's failings, no matter how humourously you did so.  This was not an easy lesson to learn, but it certainly has shaped how I have treated my friends and loved ones.  It may explain why I dye my hair purple, to make people smile or laugh over something silly and childlike.  Without trying to sound even remotely saintlike, I also try very hard not to snap at or be rude to people.  Its far easier to smile and nod to cheer somebody up than it is to snarl at everyone and spread misery.